I don’t share that love at all, in fact I’m water phobic.

Not to worry, I handle baths okay, but other than that, I have strict water rules. No lakes, rivers, or oceans (too many unknowns and variables). Some pools are okay depending on their cling-able edge to middle abyss ratio. I also fret about the areas surrounding the pool. Too much furniture/cement and not enough lawn leads to danger. At parties, there’s potential for over-crowding and accidental bumpings. Just too risky.

Many years ago, I frequented a family home with a pool and built-up a comfort level. I even paddled around a few times. My Lab didn’t share my hesitation. If the door wasn’t opened fast enough, she’d go right through the screen to leap into the pool, fur flying and tongue hanging out.

With her stamina and the love of water, she’d be a perfect lifeguard, right? Wrong!

She was fine swimming alone, but not with anyone else. She jumped in after me once and nearly killed me. She barked, whined, and clawed at me forcing me underwater over and over. I tried to get her to stop pawing at me, but it was hard to yell and gasp for air at the same time. Fortunately, I finagled my freedom and climbed to the safety of the pool deck.

I’ve seen the same weird phenomenon happen in chronic illness support groups and on social networking pages. One person says, “Hey, things are going well for me.” Then another feels compelled to reply that things are not great, and then more chime in. A virtual dog pile of negativity with no lifeguard in site.

In an attempt to “look” supportive, they’re not really supportive at all.

It’s a curious occurrence that comments are sometimes more negative than positive. Maybe people don’t think to say something positive? Or maybe negative comments feel more important or necessary under the guise of being constructive?

In any case, I’d like you to consider making an effort to brighten someone’s day today. Consciously choose to think positively, to speak positively.

Lift up a hurting friend and say something helpful. Write a positive message on your favorite social networking site. Write a supportive blogpost comment. Send a positive email.

Even a sticky note will do.

If you haven’t done so already, view Lisa’s video for her “Each One Can Reach One” Campaign for the upcoming Invisible Illness week 2010: http://invisibleillnessweek.com/

When it comes to choosing negative or positive things to say, the health benefits of positive comments wins every time. It’s more than a positive attitude. It’s choosing a positive way of life — choosing to encourage rather than discourage.

In a weird way, I think my Lab was trying to encourage me in the swimming pool. I think paddling over and around me was how she demonstrated her concern for my safety. I could have done with a little less concern.

Have you ever witnessed a dog pile of negativity? Maybe you’ve even wondered if you should have done something. Here’s your opportunity to remedy that. DO something today. Play “lifeguard” in your relationships with others, and make a lasting, positive impression.

Think of telling a coffee shop server you’ve never met, “You look like something the cat dragged in. I bet you haven’t slept in a week!” What would that do to your odds of getting your coffee fast and with a smile?

There’s a reason why we have the capacity to think before we speak. Take that a step further — we also have the capacity to choose what to think in the first place. It takes time and patience, but re-training how we think has beneficial effects on how we feel.

You may already know this, but many of your thoughts are not helpful. Negative inner chatter is common. Thoughts swing wildly from if I’d just get up five minutes earlier, then I’d get to work on time to I can’t do anything right! Having negative thoughts isn’t the problem; it’s the ratio of negative to positive thoughts that’s the problem. When nearly all your thoughts are negative and they flow in a constant stream, your body is sure to react.

It’s no wonder we don’t always feel our best.

There’s a consistent mind and body connection. When we’re in a good mood, we feel it, physically, too. When we’re in a bad mood, we may experience headaches, cramps, nausea, fatigue, digestive upset, etc.

To curb negative thinking, take action! Follow these preliminary steps:

1)      Be aware. Pay attention to your negative thoughts. Write them down. List the words and phrases you hear the most. When looking at your list, what falsehoods do you find? The negative messages we repeat to ourselves are often untrue.

2)      For each negative thought you’ve written down, think of a positive, and more accurate statement to counteract it. For example, replace I always say the wrong thing, with I have valuable and important things to say. By replacing negative statements with positive ones you’re prepared for the next time you begin to think negatively.

3)      At the first inkling of a negative thought, create a physical response. Tell your thought process to STOP by taking a deep breath (connecting the mind and body) and then replace your negative thought with a positive one. This step creates a powerful physical reaction to your thoughts and provides a stopping point for the spinning thoughts that can trap you into negative thinking.

4)      Add a repertoire of positive statements to your daily thoughts with cards, notes, and lists. Write down positive phrases, quotes, Bible verses, etc., that are meaningful to you. Keeping these positive messages around will help to re-frame your thoughts in a positive direction.

With practice, you can move forward with reducing and then eliminating negative inner chatter. How you think has everything to do with how you feel. So why not think your way toward feeling your best?

Do you have favorite thoughts, phrases, quotes or verses? Share them with the rest of us here!

To become your own movie maker, follow this exercise (no worries, you don’t even need to get up from your chair). Exercise your imagination. Step out on a limb, and think about your own life as a movie – ME: The Movie.

Using creative license to portray your future in film, what does it look like? Think of the snapshots within the movie. Imagine yourself doing the things you’d like to do, and here’s the caveat: Imagine them as if you lived with no pain, no physical restrictions. Take some time to fully develop your snapshots. Make vivid thoughts of the scenes you’ve created. Imagine how you look, feel, and move. Are you happy? Agile? Worry-free?

Write down a description of these snapshots. Maybe you envision travel … grabbing your passport and seeing the world. Maybe you envision heading to the classroom; going back to school to get the education that interests you. Or, maybe you envision being more active with your family, playing sports, or simply having enough energy for daily life.

Each snapshot is YOU without health worries.

Now, I’d like you to pick one particular snapshot from your, ME: The Movie. Let’s say it’s a snapshot of you traveling the world. When you think of that image, go beyond what you see. What do you feel – and most importantly – what are your thoughts?

Take a moment to write down the thoughts that occur to you as a pain-free, worry-free person. What does it feel like to live within a healthy, strong body and how does that affect what you’re thinking? Do you have hopeful thoughts about your future? About your abilities and capabilities? Can you see yourself setting positive future goals?

Our thoughts and perceptions of who we are and what we’re capable of govern our every action. If you truly participated in the above exercise, you should have a list of thoughts and goals that come from the “hope-filled” rather than the “hope-less” part of your brain. Review them. Analyze them.

Let’s dig a little deeper. Again, using travel as a “for instance,” what is it about travel that interests you? Can you take part in any of that experience right now? What about renting travel DVDs? If you reject the idea because sitting on your couch isn’t the same as riding the Metro in Paris, you’re missing the point. Think of it from the “hope-filled” angle. You’re learning more about, and experiencing sights of a desired travel destination. The “hope-less” feeling comes from setting your own limitation. You DON’T know what your future holds.

I understand that planning for the future and setting goals when we’re concerned about chronic illness is difficult. But don’t forecast rain in your future based on today’s clouds. Changes we make today affect all of our tomorrows.

We often link the thought of “hope” with a miracle or some huge life-changing experience. But that’s not reality. Hope stems from the small steps we take each day. What if the healthier decision you made at lunch started a lifetime of healthy mealtime decisions? What if taking a walk instead of watching TV after dinner led to a changed nighttime routine and improved physical strength? What if these small but regular changes led to a healthier you?

Add up your small incremental hopeful actions and what do you get? The miracle you were looking for.

It’s now showtime! Grab a comfy seat, turn down the lights, draw back the red velvet curtain, and enjoy your own private premier of ME: The Movie.

Tell me all about it!

If you’re someone who’s chronically ill, consider your current status: Are you where you want to be? Do you feel satisfied with your level of wellness? Few would answer “yes” to that question. Understanding the health journey process goes a long way toward removing the “frightening factor,” and that’s where the following illustration helps.

When I describe what I call the Rebuilding Wellness concept at speaking engagements, I tell it this way. Think about fixing up a home. Maybe it appears rundown; the eves sag, the paint has peeled, and the once-green lawn has gone beige. Nothing that some operating sprinklers and a new coat of paint can’t fix.

But, if you put some thought into it before the elbow grease, a home that has visible problems might have others, too. It could have problems that aren’t visible, bigger ones beneath the warped siding. What if the roof leaks or the plumbing is bad. Even worse, what if the foundation has cracks – serious cracks. Would slapping on a coat of exterior paint suffice as the ultimate remedy then?

Our health issues are the same way. By the time symptoms appear on the surface, the problems that caused them have already run amok elsewhere. Chronic illness takes time to manifest. It stands to reason that the application of solutions will be no quick fix.

So, where to begin? Consider the type of “cracks” that are affecting your foundation: nutritional deficiencies, extreme stress, toxin exposure (internal and external), infections, injuries, and/or hormonal/thyroid dysfunction. Take a look at what you think affects you most. Begin an action plan to remedy these problems and fortify your “home.”

Tackling these “cracks” one at a time is a big job, but I promise, Rebuilding Wellness is always a worthwhile investment.

Today, I thought about pain levels.

It was an unusually humid day for SoCal standards: pitifully blechy outside. And since humidity is a common trigger for increased pain, I thought, “Hmm, I should feel more pain in my joints today.” I began to focus on how my knees felt with each step. I then became aware of my hip joints. I realized that I did feel more pain; I was achy-er than usual.

But wait! Before I noticed the humidity level, was I achy then? Not that I’d noticed. It wasn’t until I had the thought that I should feel achy did I “decide” that I did.

That led me to think about other times I’ve spent in humid climates. For many years, my hubby worked in Hawaii. I went as often as my schedule allowed; it was a fabulous place for me to write. In fact, much of my book, FibroWHYalgia, was written there, as well as many children’s stories. For me, nothing gets the creative juices flowing like ocean breezes and the scent of plumerias. While hubby worked, my job was to write. Great gig if you ask me.

Hawaiian humidity has never bothered me. There’s always a gentle breeze and what’s not to like? As far as I can remember, it has never triggered a flare of any kind. I travel to the Midwest, too. I do notice the humidity there. I feel fatigued, tightness in my neck/shoulders, and a tightness in my chest as if it’s harder to breathe

Of course, it’s not fair to compare a tropical vacation to a family visit (no matter how much you love to see your family). It’s not the same thing, relaxation-wise, and your body knows it. But when it comes to increased pain, why bring it on? Who’s in charge of your expectations, and who gets to write your own predictions?

Pay attention to Prediction Phrases such as, “I always end up in a flare after a visit from my Mother-In-Law,” or “I always get a migraine after shopping at the mall.” If you’re going to take the time to make a prediction, why not something like, “I predict that I’ll get a great night’s sleep after I chaperone the all-day scouting event.”

Your own predictions are yours to dream up. Why not make ‘em good?

I challenge you, write down five positive Prediction Phrases this week, and let me know how they turn out. I love hearing from you!

Letting go doesn’t have to conjure up negative thoughts. Letting go of your pre-schooler’s hand over the threshold to Mrs. Kirby’s purple room is a good thing. Letting go can be a blessing and bring comfort.

If you’re looking for a reason to re-frame or change unhealthy habits, begin here. This might be a good time to take a look at a half dozen good reasons to Let Go!

Good Reason #1: Because poor food choices are holding you back from improved health

Good Reason #2: Because choosing TV over exercise denies you the opportunity to strengthen and tone your body

Good Reason #3: Because stress and unhealthy relationships are stealing joy, peace, and calm from your life

Good Reason #4: Because you’re tired of being sick and tired

Good Reason #5: Because what you’ve been doing isn’t working and you’re ready for change

Good Reason #6: Because you realize you deserve better health, and you deserve it now!

Go ahead, what are you waiting for?

As expected, the vast majority of my illness/wellness friends are women and most are in the peri- or post-menopausal age range. Initially, this group was comprised mainly of US residents, but I’ve witnessed a growing surge of chronic illness friends in the UK. Australian and New Zealand friends trail along somewhere after that.

While the individuals seem diverse in their careers, socio-economic status, education, etc., one universal characteristic seems to prevail – a heartfelt desire to comfort others. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I believe that people suffering from chronic illness are a compassionate bunch. One person on Facebook cries out for help and dozens (or more) heed the call. There’s an unwritten code of compassion among the chronically ill.

If we dig a little deeper, what vocations are typically filled by compassionate people? Health care workers (including nurses, aides, social workers, etc.) probably come to mind. It’s a generalization, but compassion often comes with the characteristic of being a people-pleaser. Health care workers might put their own needs last. They work odd and inconsistent hours. They work in toxic environments filled with chemicals, plastics, and germs. Their jobs are high-stress and sometimes low-paying. And then there’s the malnourishment or nutritional deficit problem. Cafeterias and break rooms of medical offices, nursing homes, and mental health centers are constantly littered with cookies and donuts: goodies brought in by pharmaceutical reps, management, and well-meaning patients. If a nurse needs a quick pick-me-up between shifts, she doesn’t have to go far.

It’s no wonder they’re sick.

Do you believe your personal characteristics play a role in your health? Maybe you’re not a healthcare professional. Perhaps you’re a teacher, childcare worker, or someone passionate about the care and concern of others. If so, you demonstrate admirable traits, but you may want to think about adjusting your priorities. Taking care of others is important and even noble, but what if it puts your health at risk?

The solution is balance. You don’t have to wait for a mid-life crisis to change careers. You don’t even have to change your career at all. Begin to implement lifestyle changes now. Decide that your body is important enough to nourish properly. Spend time at farmer’s markets, in the produce section of your store, in your garden, and ultimately in your kitchen. You deserve it.

Balance your time with activities that get you moving. Take a thirty minute walk before or after dinner instead of turning on the TV. Schedule time – and make it a priority – to exercise your body in a way that’s appropriate for your fitness level and condition.

Balance your emotions by implementing stress-relieving modalities such as prayer, meditation, journaling, guided imagery, tai chi, yoga, cognitive behavior therapy, etc. We all know that these are important activities. It takes persistence and prioritizing to work them into your daily schedule.

Balance doesn’t just happen. You won’t simply wake up one day and feel balanced. Little by little, by making small lifestyle changes, you’ll be rewarded with big results. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. We’re all works in progress. Take that compassion you so easily grant to others, and reserve some for yourself. If that’s still too hard for you, ask for the counsel of others. I’m guessing you know just where to look for compassionate people.

For more information on how to implement what I call, “The Restoration Trio” (nutrition, fitness, and emotional wellness), please refer to my book, FibroWHYalgia, available at these online retailers:

http://www.rebuildingwellness.com/

http://amzn.to/a3QICC

http://bit.ly/ddS19u

What would happen to the “rather not” activities if we really didn’t have to participate? We simply wouldn’t do them.

For that reason, I’m thankful for the fact that I had to work when my fibromyalgia was at its worst. It kept me going. Sure, it’s hard to tackle everyday activities when you live with chronic pain, but what’s the alternative? When we have to do things, they simply get done.

I’m a believer in that we don’t know what we can accomplish until we have to do it. There’s nothing like a burning need as a motivator. We may feel completely incapacitated by pain, but if a job is the only thing keeping us out of debt, we go to work. If our children need something important, we find a way to get it done.

I’m not suggesting that everyone should have to work for a living. Whether you work or not isn’t the issue. It’s whether or not you move your body on a regular basis.

I encourage you to re-evaluate your “rather not” activities. Think of them as Motivators to Move. Moving our sore bodies builds muscle tone, strengthens our bones, and increases much-needed oxygen to the lungs. Isn’t it reflexive to take a deep breath before tackling a “rather not” activity?

CHOOSE to think more of what you’re able to do than what you are unable to do. Re-frame your thoughts to think in terms of “abilities” rather than “disabilities.”

Remember that it does a body good to MOVE — even if we’d rather not.

• Almonds, cashews, pistachios, walnuts, etc.
• Pumpkin (pepita), flax, sunflower, and chia seeds, etc.
• Coconut cream concentrate, or tahini butter by the spoon or as a dip for:
  • Celery
  • Cucumbers
  • Broccoli
  • Carrots
  • Jicama
  • Mini peppers

• Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, etc.
• Seasonal fruits such as apples, plums, pears, bananas, oranges, mangoes, etc.
• Hummus — as a dip or spread for veggies and/or fruit
• Eggs — hardboiled, scrambled, etc.
• Additive-free applesauce or oatmeal with ground cinnamon and ground flax seed
• Protein smoothies
• If dairy is tolerated: cottage cheese, string cheese, holistic yogurts, etc.

————————————-

When looking for healthy fast foods, nutrient-dense, fiber-filled foods provide the highest level of satiety. Quick pick-me-ups such as a handful of broccoli and cashews put hunger in its place and offer you the perfect fuel to tackle the rest of the day.

Got a favorite healthy food that’s fast? Let me know!

Because this is such a big subject, today I’ll explore just one aspect of stress. Let’s look at the self-induced kind (a great topic requested by my dear Facebook friend, Kim P.).

Have you ever known a person who seems completely unruffled by life? I used to work with a guy named Robin. He was as low-key as they come. He had a high-pressure job of scheduling work crews and making sure the jobs were done correctly. He was the hub between several different departments and if you wanted a “buck stops here” guy, he was it. When the boss let off steam – directed right at Robin – he shrugged his shoulders and said, “OK, I’ll change that, or OK, but that can’t be changed for this reason…”

The point is that Robin was OK either way.

Are you?

What do you do, when your well-planned day goes a bit sideways? Say, you’ve got a 10:00 appointment, you’re already running late, and now you can’t find your keys (that’s never happened to me, of course). Do you call and cancel the appointment? Call everyone you have on speed dial to blame them for your plight? After running around in a frenzy wild enough to scare the dog, do you find the keys and drive off like there’s a checkered flag fluttering before your windshield? It’s likely that any of these scenarios can stir up the intestinal tornado and require at least a day’s recovery from the inevitable flare.

In fact, you could stir up the digestive troubles (and increased pulse/heart rate, etc.) simply by reading the above. The brain tells the body how to feel. That’s usually a good thing, but when the brain communications get a bit wonky, we’ve got to compensate. We’ve got to Robin-ize our thoughts.

What comes naturally to Robin is something that can be learned by the rest of us. We might interpret even minor stress as a major event. It depends on how we think of it. When we learn and experience true relaxation (yes, it’s a learned thing!), then we can develop a goal — something to reach for. Remember how it felt at the beach or on that picnic when (for at least 10 seconds) you didn’t have something to do? Think about how your body felt; your relaxed muscles, lowered heart rate, calmed thoughts, etc.

As a learned process, you can recreate that feeling.

Getting to a state of “calm” usually begins with a deep breath. As a whole, chronically ill people are quite shallow — breathers, that is. People in pain often take short, inadequate breaths attempting to minimize pain. It’s a vicious cycle since shallow breathing actually hurts us in the long run. Taking a deep breath, filling the lungs and letting it out slowly, does more than just oxygenate the body. The time it takes to breath deeply is a stopping point for stress. It helps you put on the brakes. Sort of like a welcomed period in a paragraph of run-on sentences, a deep breath gives you an opportunity to stop and evaluate. It gives you the opportunity to clear your thoughts and make better decisions. You might even take a step back and decide to approach the problem in a better way.

The next time you find your mind going from 0 to 60 on some tangent, STOP. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself this question: “Is it true?” (Read Byron Katie’s, Loving What Is if you haven’t already.) Oftentimes, our minds race to false conclusions. We may return home after a frazzled trip of dropping off kids at school only to find a needed field trip permission slip on the kitchen table. The mind begins to compound our faults and before we know it, we’re thinking, “I can’t do anything right, I’m the worst mother in the world.”

If you take a deep breath and ask, “Is this true?” You may be able to get to the heart of the matter. Perhaps setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier each day could help with the morning frazzles. Or, planning ahead and setting out clothes and breakfast items could help alleviate morning stress. Either way, recognizing that you’re a fallible human is quite different from the notion that you’re a bad parent. They’re worlds apart.

That little breath can be your link from one world to the other. That stopping point, re-grouping point, re-directing point may be just what you need to make better decisions and stop the negative thinking that causes undue stress. That little breath helps you to Robin-ize the situation.

Make a point of it this week. When the mind wants to launch into overdrive, make a conscious decision to stop, then take a deep breath. That’s it. Start anew and move forward. Think of that cleansing breath as your own personal re-set button.

Go ahead now, breathe….

Has it worked for you? Tell me about it!